[W&B] A question of ethics & obligation

[Rob McElroy]

Milan,

Such an interesting set of hypothesis, where a delicate blend of 
generosity and honesty is really the only way to protect your 
reputation, your relationship with the person in the future, and your 
conscience.  I always try to think about the future in situations like 
these.

Whether he's a friend or a stranger, if you keep quiet and say nothing 
to the person, and then you decide to bid on the item (whether you win 
it or not), the person will not think very highly of you if he finds out 
you bid, because he will believe that "he" was the one who alerted you 
to the item, and that you have betrayed the trust he placed in your 
character. In his mind, you stole his lead, his "find," his "score."   
You will never convince him that you already knew about the item, unless 
you bring it up first.

I always think it's best to be open and honest.  But, don't educate him 
very much until you know if he is planning on bidding or not.  If you're 
pretty sure that the lens he is referring to - is the auction you 
already know about, then just come out and ask him if he is referring to 
auction so-and-so.  If he says yes, then tell him you have been watching 
that auction and are planning on bidding on the lens.  Tell him that 
you'd be happy to educate him about the lens and share your expertise 
but not until after the auction is concluded, unless he promises that he 
won't bid against you.   Ask him if he would be willing to refrain from 
bidding because it is a lens you have wanted for a long time.

Just let the cat out of the bag and let the chips fall where they may.  
Heck, he was probably going to be bidding anyway, so why not try and 
persuade him not to bid. It may result in you getting the lens without 
having to compete against him.  In the event you can't persuade him to 
back down, then just tell him that you will be bidding competitively and 
that no matter who wins, you hope there will be no hard feelings.

You have no obligation to educate any seller.   The seller decides the 
minimum amount (the starting price or reserve) he'd be happy to receive 
for an item, and then any potential bidders decide how much higher it 
may go.  As long as it meets the seller's minimum or reserve, he should 
be happy.  Ignorance is bliss, and too much knowledge can sometimes 
create resentment.

In the end, treat the person the same way you'd want to be treated.  Put 
yourself in their shoes, but make the decision based on YOUR ethics.  If 
you had asked an expert for his opinion about an auction item, only to 
find out he was planning on bidding on it, what would you do?  What 
would your conscience tell you to do?

Good Luck with your dilemma.

Cheers,
Rob McElroy
Buffalo, NY